Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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