Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
