i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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