I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
