I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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