So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
