Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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