Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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