So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I understand Curling. That high.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
