Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
