I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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