We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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