Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
