Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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