I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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