News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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