Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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