can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
