This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
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I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
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He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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