Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
