Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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