you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
