Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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