This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
