Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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