my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
