Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
