he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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