It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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