yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You're a waste of cheezeits
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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