He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
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First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
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I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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