He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
