so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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