It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Its about making memories worth repressing
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
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I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
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YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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