he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
