Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
