dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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