Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
