If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
