dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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