i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
is wine microwaveable?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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