she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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