Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
