so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
