whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
