dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
