He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
