All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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