A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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