My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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