Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Randomize
