There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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