You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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