No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
