she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
