The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
