Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
