I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
