I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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