I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
