also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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