So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
