ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Drunk is not a location!
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
