Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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