I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
