i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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