We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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