U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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