I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
