I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
