I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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