Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
