guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
