remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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