I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
